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Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Stupid funny stuff
Botched Street completion
These are called topes or speed bumps. Although we do not like them, they are useful in residential neighborhoods, to slow the traffic down. My question is to what speeds did the adept or inept road crew think a vehicle could attain within its own car length. What is really funny is thinking how the situation developed.
Follow with me as I paint the picture.
Stupid crew: "Boss we can do this. how long have we been working for you?"
Foreman: "Not long enough! You need two topes at..."
Stupid Crew: "ut ut ut we know! We got it, don't worry.'
Foreman: "Yeah, like that's going to happen, just get it right, cause if you botch this up, so help me..."
The Crew of two - Dumb and dumber - arrive at the street in question. Now the logic is, have them, the speed bumps, near the beginning and end of a street so that one cannot build up a high velocity, thus protecting the children playing in the street. Maybe we should not focus on their intelligence, but on their being lazy.
Stupid is: "There the perfect tope!"
Stupid does: "Yeah great! But you said you knew where to put the other."
Stupid is: "Yeah, duh! Look it's not that hard we just go down that way and put another one. Simple as that!"
Stupid does: "I don know it's awfully far, and I don't want to load all this stuff in to the truck and then unload it again."
Stupid is: "yeah you're right, its late and I'm tired. He really didn't tell us WHERE to put it, he just said to put two"
Stupid does: "Right, so I say we put the other one right there on the other side of our truck."
Stupid is: "sound s good to me."
No doubt they are now fighting for a spot at the traffic light, cleaning headlights for change. 7X5NAYP89FZF
Friday, July 29, 2011
This is not a joke!
This was in the middle of the interection:
We came upon this interesting sight shortly after a long, heavy rain. The roads in México are at times in very bad condition, but especially during the rainy season. Everything they use to fill these craters washes away when the streets flood. We do not know if this was put here by the city road crew (lol), by a concerned neighbor, or if some poor sap lost it while passing over this mini sinkhole. The tragedy is, this is not a temporary “solution.”
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Bodily function humor
If Your Body Could Talk
Pain Center(PC): Attention central command; I am getting an incredible amount of signal coming from the waste dump portal until he gets the ok, he is not permitting anything to pass.
Central Command(CC): what exactly is the problem down there?
PC: My fire readings are off the chart! Can you possibly roll back the video for last night, to see what kind of fuel was taken in at that time?
CC: Roger that, I’m looking right now at some footage from the eyes at around 11:00 pm It looks like eggs with jalapeños, sausage, little crushed red peppers, hot sauce, cheese, and a beer to wash it down.
PC: Great, what do I tell waste disposal!
CC: According to my readings, he has little choice but to let it pass.
PC: Of course, but the questions is does he have authorization to initiate the levels of pain he is asking for?
CC: As far as we’re concerned, the authorization was given at about 11:00 last night.
PC: Full pain limits?
CC: Maybe it will teach him a lesson
PC: Roger that, Waste Disposal(WD) by approval of Com-Central, we are authorizing partial to full expulsion at maximum pain levels, I repeat at full pain levels.
WD: Thank you. Com-Central can you coordinate the eyes and legs to locate a waste receptacle port, while I increase the bowl pressure and release a little gas.
CC: That’s a positive on the increased pressure, but a negative on the gas release the eyes are telling us that he is in a car of co-workers. It may be a little while before release will be possible, but still a go on a slow increase of pressure over a … well we’re checking routines currently in process and so… you have a thirty minute window to increase pressure. After that gas release and pain increase will be authorized.
WD: That’s a go, I’m also requesting some perspiration from the sweat glands, and maybe a little rumbling from the stomach.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
This did not make the book
Letter from an Abuser to His Mother
Dear Mom,
I know this is going to be hard for you to take, but I wanted to be the one to tell you. I was hoping I could work this problem out in my own. It has been hard for anyone to recognize that there is a problem. I have been able to hide it so well. Just recently though, I was turned in by an anonymous caller to A.R.S. They raided my home, and when they saw the deplorable situation, they promptly whisked me away. You see, I am an abuser. I am now going to P.A.A. meetings.
Why though am I now telling you all of this? Part of my recovery process is admitting that there is a problem. You can not imagine my horror, when the agents of A.R.S. (Agricultural Rehabilitation Services) flooded into my home with there bottles of Miracle Grow! They were able to revive quite a few, but most of my house hold plants were too far gone. It is so hard for me to tell you this. I wish it was all just a dream, but it is time to face the facts... I am a plant abuser. The Plant Abusers Anonymous (P.A.A) meetings have been a big help! They say if I keep up my current progress, I may be able to take an unsupervised trip to a green house.
I hope you can find it in your bleeding heart to forgive me.
Love your son,
PS- You are not allowed to send real flowers. I do not think they would mind if you sent a picture of them though.
Friday, July 22, 2011
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