This did not make the book

Letter from an Abuser to His Mother

Dear Mom,

I know this is going to be hard for you to take, but I wanted to be the one to tell you. I was hoping I could work this problem out in my own. It has been hard for anyone to recognize that there is a problem. I have been able to hide it so well. Just recently though, I was turned in by an anonymous caller to A.R.S. They raided my home, and when they saw the deplorable situation, they promptly whisked me away. You see, I am an abuser. I am now going to P.A.A. meetings.

Why though am I now telling you all of this? Part of my recovery process is admitting that there is a problem. You can not imagine my horror, when the agents of A.R.S. (Agricultural Rehabilitation Services) flooded into my home with there bottles of Miracle Grow! They were able to revive quite a few, but most of my house hold plants were too far gone. It is so hard for me to tell you this. I wish it was all just a dream, but it is time to face the facts... I am a plant abuser. The Plant Abusers Anonymous (P.A.A) meetings have been a big help! They say if I keep up my current progress, I may be able to take an unsupervised trip to a green house.

I hope you can find it in your bleeding heart to forgive me.

Love your son,

PS- You are not allowed to send real flowers. I do not think they would mind if you sent a picture of them though.